Thanksgiving with the Health Ranger: food warnings, stuffing your 'fat ass' with turkey and dealing with substance-addicted relatives (satire)

Wednesday, November 25, 2015
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Tags: Thanksgiving, dangerous food warning, mindfulness

---

(NaturalNews) As America celebrates Thanksgiving this year, I've posted four hilarious audio recordings that somehow claim to offer useful information that might help you survive the festivities.

These totally uncensored, offensive, inappropriate and politically incorrect audio podcasts are offered as hilarious satire with my comedy improve character voices including "Grandpa Joe," "Aunt Bessie" and Dave the meth head.

Along with the comedy, I also provide what I hope you'll find to be useful wisdom on Thanksgiving food ingredients to avoid, how to alienate deadbeat family members, and preparedness activities you should probably be pursuing instead of "stuffing your fat ass with turkey."

Laugh, cry or be really, really offended... here's my comedy improve take on Thanksgiving.

(These episodes are brought to you by Ranger Gear, my new line of survival and preparedness gear, available now at the Natural News Store.)

Thanksgiving with the Health Ranger, episode #1) Top 10 things you should be doing instead of stuffing your fat ass with turkey

Beyond stuffing all our fat asses with turkey, there are all sorts of preparedness activities we should be doing that get us ready for the coming chaos.

In a world where radical leftists (like Obama) are tag-teaming with ISIS to overrun, occupy and destroy western culture, we all need to be prepared for wave after wave of insanity to arrive at our doorstep.

So here are ten things you should be doing this holiday weekend instead of (or in place of) "stuffing your fat ass with turkey." Please be offended...

Thanksgiving with the Health Ranger, episode #2) Toxic foods and ingredients you should avoid for Thanksgiving

Did you know that store-bought turkey gravy is loaded with MSG?

Did you know that "olive oil" salad dressings are mostly made with genetically modified rapeseed oil?

Were you aware that drinking alcohol and taking Tylenol can permanently destroy your liver?

In this episode, I warn about toxic Thanksgiving foods you should avoid.

Thanksgiving with the Health Ranger, episode #3) How to deal with your crazy family members

Thanksgiving is a time when many Americans get together with their family members to celebrate paid vacation days. During these get-togethers, you'll encounter the whole spectrum of family members, from informed, aware people to totally insane, brainwashed numbskulls who think they know everything.

Some family members needs your love and compassion, while others just need your cash so they can buy more heroin.

In this episode, I discuss ideas for dealing with the full gamut of family members in a way that prevents you from wasting time on those who are already beyond help... while simultaneously showing love and compassion for those who need your presence.

Thanksgiving with the Health Ranger, episode #4) Things I'm thankful for

This episode is more on the serious side, and I discuss why I'm thankful for the First Amendment, the Second Amendment, and all of America's Founding Fathers who risked their lives to establish the freedoms that we now enjoy.

To demonstrate the power of Freedom of Speech, I make fun of Obama and Hillary Clinton... which isn't difficult to achieve.