9 signs that you are setting yourself up to be controlled by other people

Saturday, April 26, 2014 by: Mike Bundrant
Tags: self-sabotate, control issues, human interaction

(NaturalNews) There are some folks on the fringes of society that intentionally seek to be controlled and get pleasure out of it. You can find them at sadomasochism conventions. I haven't been to one, but I understand they are quite an experience.

As you wander the aisles, you see scores of masters and slaves. It's pretty obvious who is in which role. All you need to do is notice who's wearing the collar and leash.

Sometimes I think the sadomasochists have one up on the rest of us: At least they are playing the control game intentionally. At least they are exploring their desire to control and be controlled, which is far from the consciousness of the average person, who often harbors these desires subconsciously.

Your average person doesn't have a clue how he is unconsciously content to be programmed, for example, by a power culture that does not necessarily have individual health and happiness in mind. The average person has no idea how he gives personal power away every single day in the midst of work and personal relationships.

If you're in the subconscious habit of giving your power away, you are aware of the results, however - a sense of helplessness, frustration, powerlessness, resentment and lack of control in your life. Waking up and seeing how you have allowed yourself to be controlled - walking right into it time and time again, is an amazing AHA experience.

Once you see it, then you can exercise choice. You will never have a choice about things that remain outside of your conscious awareness, however. So, the right education is the key!

Here are nine examples of our tendency to encourage others to exercise control over us

The following reflects our tendency to invite, or even subconsciously require others to control us. All of the examples are common and completely reversible. All it takes is consciousness and the desire to live a genuinely interdependent life.

1. Not taking care of yourself

If you don't take care of yourself, you send a subconscious message to others. The message is: I can't take care of myself, so please take care of me. This invites others to intervene and tell you what you should be doing. It also invites them to nag you to get yourself together. You are inviting control from others by neglecting yourself.

You may hate being controlled, but do you really? Why are you inviting it so obviously?

2. Rebelling against authority

Emotional rebels are masters of being controlled. When genuine authority beckons, rebels resist, which invites greater intervention from those in charge. Line up 10 employees. Nine of them follow the rules and cooperate with each other. One is a rebel. Who gets monitored more closely? The rebel. The rebel invites more authority into his life than anyone. He is begging to be controlled.

He hates authority, but is subconsciously inviting authority to come down on him daily. Deep down, does he really hate authority or is he seeking to be controlled by it? Both.

3. Not following through on your obligations

You've agreed to do certain things. You don't do them. What happens next? You get confronted. Someone comes after you, demanding you make good on your word. By not doing what you agree to do, you invite others to step in and take charge of you.

4. Continually asking for help or guidance

Ever known anyone who compulsively asks for help to do things that he or she could do just as well alone? Sometimes this is an invitation for companionship. But if you do this constantly, you're asking others to take charge.

5. Indulging in self-doubt, not willing to risk making mistakes

If you're afraid of making mistakes and being held accountable for them, you'll likely invite others to come in and take over for you. Fearing mistakes is fearing the inevitable. Everyone makes them. Smart people are thankful for mistakes because mistakes help you learn, which makes you more independent.

6. Refusing to say no

This is a huge set up for giving power away and feeling controlled by the demands of life. When you can't say no when you should say no, you are automatically over extended. Then, of course, people expect you to follow through. When you can't, they begin to bug you.

7. Refusing to express your opinion

A sure way to ensure that others have all the power is to withhold your thoughts, feelings and opinions. This way you have no say in what's going on. This way, you agree to the agenda of those willing to speak up. They have the power and you are at their mercy by virtue of your silent compliance.

8. Attracting controlling people

You may be attracted to people who like to control others. These controlling types may appear more powerful, independent, charismatic and safer for you to be with. If you have a subconscious desire to be controlled, you may not even feel comfortable with someone who expects you to make your own decisions and be responsible for them.

9. No awareness of your feelings

Feelings are an indispensable part of decision-making. Clear feelings reflect your values and give you a sure foundation in life. If you aren't in touch with your feelings, you may not have a clear idea where you stand.

For example, someone asks you to do something that you are not comfortable with. Your discomfort is vague and you push it away, not wanting to grapple with it. Unable to be clear about your feelings, you are more likely to ignore them and "just do it."

This is risky. It's this level of repression that entices you to succumb to pressure or make decisions based on someone else's agenda.

The end result

The end result of these subconscious invitations to being controlled is that you end up feeling powerless, helpless, a victim of controlling people and circumstances. If you feel this way - like your life is not your own to live - then, you may have an attachment to being controlled.

This is self-sabotage at it's finest. A subconscious attachment to being controlled causes you to seek out controlling environments and people, while hating every minute of it consciously. Subconsciously, this is where you call home...where you feel safest because it is familiar territory.

Isn't it time to learn to feel comfortable as an independent person - an individual?

To learn how psychological attachments create self-sabotage, watch this easy-to-understand video. You're virtually guaranteed the AHA you need to break this cycle.

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About the author:
Watch the free video The AHA! Process: An End to Self-Sabotage and discover the lost keys to personal transformation and emotional well-being that have been suppressed by mainstream mental health for decades.

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Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center and host of Mental Health Exposed, a Natural News Radio program.

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