MOFFIT: U.S. Military and NASA fairness DEMAND: Missiles, submarines, bullets, and rockets currently shaped like penises must be changed to be shaped like vaginas
12/04/2018 // A. Moffit // Views

Editor's note: A. Moffit is our resident gender fluid progressive, and in today's post, zhe expresses anger at the fact that so many of the military's modern weapons are shaped like giant penises. Missiles and rockets should all be shaped like giant vaginas in order to promote equality, zhe states. Yes, Moffit seems increasingly insane, and we don't endorse the ideas described here. We present this so you can stay informed about trends among progressives. Read and weep... (warning - EXPLICIT content)

In today's military, if you want to bomb something or kill somebody, you have to fly in something shaped like a penis and sit in the "cock" pit (how humiliating for women), or shoot at something or someone with a penis-shaped missile or penis-shaped bullets. Why? Because the men who start all wars must remind everyone at every moment that death and destruction usurped by the military originates from tiny heads, and I don't mean the ones on sitting on their shoulders.

Even if you choose to explore the final frontier (space), you'll have to succumb to more phallic-shaped machinery, because women simply aren't allowed to be running the show with any machine, weapon, or vehicle that could possibly symbolize they have control.

Either create vagina-shaped jets, guns, tanks, missiles, and rockets, or design something gender neutral, or we'll give you a "war" you won't believe

The U.S. Phallus Military is in "full swing" and has been for decades. It's a huge cock fight, a sword fight, on ego-fed terrain, and it's all about who has the biggest missile. Well, millions of non-sword-bearing Americans are sick of it, and something's got to give. It's time for Air Force and Navy pilots to climb into a jet's vagina-cavity instead of a cockpit for the next Super Bowl flyover. The vagina should be represented in all weapon systems, across the board. Why not have gender-fluid missiles that change shape in mid-flight?


Even tanks should be painted with LGBT rainbow colors so the enemy can see what's really coming, and that would avoid most violent conflicts by just flashing all those colors, just like a peacock.

Plus, we need drag soldiers who can cross dress during battle, because fighting in high heels sends a powerful message about equality. Step to that! It's time for a bullets-and-bras mandate. How easy would it be to strap your AK to your bra? Now that's intimidation with which no enemy wants full-contact engagement. Top that off with a tampons-and-tanks commission – all tanks should have tampon dispensing machines, because some men who command tanks happen to have vaginas.

Jeff Bezos' huge penis-rocket to take Earth's dirty industry into space and put humans on the moon by 2020

It's disgusting what these rich white business moguls are doing to our country, and now they want to "do it" in space too. Mr. Elitist Jeff Bezos has created a rocket that literally resembles a penis (most likely his own) – in an effort to shoot his ego into space. His goal? Move all the filthy, dirty industry off Earth, and move anyone who trusts him with their life to the moon, where there's no air so that your rape screams can never be heard.

No more buying penis-shaped bottles of water on Earth, because there's plenty of water on the moon. Bezos says, "We're so lucky to have the moon. It's so conveniently located. We know that there are volatiles trapped in the dark craters of the moon that are perpetually shaded." So he wants to shoot his penis-rocket into dark craters where the volatiles are trapped? Sure Jeff. Sounds very manly.

Soon, Bezos will test his phallus "rocket and capsule" called the Shepard. Anyone with a few billion bucks lying around the house can buy a ticket to explore some volatile dark craters inside his penis-rocket.

Remember, we simply MUST change the shape of weapons, rockets, submarines, and bullets in the name of equal rights, or these rich testosterone-heads will continue to abuse their power in this phallus republic. It's time to demand gender equality on the battlefield or strip all funding from the Pentagon.

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