10 things I'd rather do than get a Swine Flu vaccine shot (satire)

Sunday, September 20, 2009 by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...) Tags: swine flu, health news, Natural News

(NaturalNews) I admit, the thought of being injected with a chemical cocktail made by a pharmaceutical company and approved by the FDA with virtually no safety testing is somewhat tempting. Who wouldn't want the thrill and rush of being part of a grand pharmaceutical experiment, anyway?

On second thought, it may not be such a bright idea after all. Unless, of course, you enjoy the idea of falling into a long-term coma, being permanently paralyzed or suffering random neurological damage.

That's why there are ten things I'd rather do than get a swine flu vaccine shot:

#1) Eat nothing but McDonald's hamburgers and fries for 30 days straight until I cough up my own liver.

#2) Kiss an H1N1-infected pig smack on the lips.

#3) Legally change my name to "Barack Obama" and then announce it over the loudspeaker of a cowboy bar in rural Texas, just to see what happens.

#4) Be forced to work as a writer in the public relations department of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

#5) Base jump off a tall building with nothing more than a parachute made under the same quality control oversight as FDA-approved swine flu vaccines.

#6) Be subjected to forced chemotherapy at gunpoint, just like all the other U.S. teens who are kidnapped by state authorities and forcibly injected with chemo.

#7) Have all the superfoods in my pantry secretly replaced with MSG-laced processed food products made by Frito-Lay.

#8) Work as a biological hazards disposal volunteer in the "superbug ward" of a local hospital.

#9) Drink diet soda until my brain explodes from the aspartame exposure.

#10) Get a public relations job at the White House where my sole responsibility is to show the brain-numbed masses how to stupidly sneeze into their own shirt sleeves.

Fortunately, it doesn't look like I'll have to participate in any of these activities. Nor will I be forced to get a swine flu vaccine shot. Instead, I'm betting my life on good nutrition, lots of vitamin D, a high state of personal health and the complete avoidance of hospitals, vaccines, pharmaceuticals and ridiculous health advice from the "authorities."

Not everybody agrees with that, I've noticed. Some people prefer to play Russian Roulette with their neurology, lining up and begging to be injected with a highly experimental vaccine that somebody somewhere insists is perfectly safe. They're also the same ones, coincidentally, who are drinking diet soda, eating processed foods and chowing down genetically modifried fast food burgers on a daily basis.

These people are so sick all the time that even if they get infected with H1N1, we won't have any way to tell! I just hope they wash their hands fifty times a day and sneeze into their shirt sleeves, too, because a new, nationally-mandated obsessive-compulsive disorder is precisely what America needs in the middle of a pandemic.