(NaturalNews) The next time a friend -- especially one that often complains of being tired -- says that the scratches on their chest are due to their failure to trim their cat's nails or because of unfortunate run-ins with thorny rosebushes, don't be so quick to reach into your bag of jokes.

Recent research has determined that many people belong to a large, authentic vampire community in which consenting adults allow other like-minded people to make small incisions on their chest, at which time they allow the other person to treat their taste buds to some blood consenting vampire. It's primarily done among highly lethargic individuals to obtain energy. However, because of embarrassment and fear of being ridiculed, these people tend to keep their actions on the down low. And they certainly don't take too kindly to "I wasn't (pause) cut out (pause again) for that job" or "my life sucks" jokes.^(1,2)

Real vampires exist and they're "successful, ordinary people"

According to the director of social work at Idaho State University, D.J. Williams -- who says he's studied people who identify as vampires for about a 10 years (hmm...a Vampireologist?)--such vampires exist in droves all around the globe.⁽¹⁾

He explains that they're not the cape-wearing, large-fanged folks likely conjured up thanks to horror flicks and Hollywood portrayals, but instead, real people who seek out more energy by sucking on the blood of consenting donors. In fact, he even distinguishes between the movie images and real vampires using differentiating terms such as "lifestyle" vampires and "authentic" ones. "The real vampire community seems to be a conscientious and ethical one," he says, adding that "they are successful, ordinary people."⁽¹⁾

In other words, fatigued humans who suck the blood from others, creating communities that literally feed off one another's powerful needs while fearing backlash if found their secrets were discovered likely involves everyone from lawyers to presidential candidates. Who knew?

Getting vampires to come out...of the coffin...and getting professionals to embrace them

His research, which was published in the Canadian journal, Critical Social Work, is titled "Do we Always Practice What we Preach? Real Vampires' Fears of Coming out of the Coffin to Social Workers and Helping Professionals."⁽³⁾

It details vampires' struggles with keeping such a lifestyle to themselves, noting that "Results suggest that nearly all participants were distrustful of social workers and helping professionals and preferred to 'stay in the coffin' for fear of being misunderstood, labeled, and potentially having to face severe repercussions to their lives." The overarching theme is to encourage social workers and similar professionals to form "therapeutic alliances" in which they are more open to the various identities that exist. Specifically, they should treat such vampires with dignity and respect as they would anyone else with nontraditional energy-seeking tendencies.⁽³⁾

Goths, BDSM and a Lady Gaga memory

It goes on:

Although this study focuses on a people with a particular alternative identity, its findings may also be relevant to people who adopt other alternative identities, such as goths, otherkin, furries, and specific BDSM identities. Generally, it seems that rapid advances in technology provide a social environment conducive to the development of unique and unconventional identities. We should not be surprised to see a proliferation of nontraditional identities in the future.

Williams also explains that such vampires "...were born that way..." a statement that makes it difficult not to imagine Lady Gaga parading about the stage, faux incision marks on her chest and small fang-styled hair combs adorning her head. Maybe a tutu and fluorescent swimming pool floaties on her arm just to throw everyone off. But I digress.

The reality is, human behavioral oddities run rampant in society. They range from pica, a disorder in which people give in to the overwhelming urge to ingest nontraditional items such as dirt, paper, hair, chalk or other non-edible things to trichotillomania, which is the need to pull one's own hair out. There are those with multiple personalities, body image issues, people who fear leaving the house and yes, there are "real" vampires who get their energy fix by turning to the blood of other consenting vampires.

And people thought I was unusual for turning to kale and chia-infused smoothies to amp up my energy. Whew.

Sources for this article include:

(1) NYDailynews.com

(2) DailyCaller.com

(3) UWindsor.ca

(4) WashingtonPost.com

(5) MayoClinic.org