The top 10 most stunningly retarded things people really said to me in the past week

Monday, August 24, 2015
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Tags: retarded quotes, idiocracy, hilarious

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(NaturalNews) There's nothing more fascinating than being an intelligent tourist to Planet Retard -- also known as Earth -- where people who have every right to vote for President are too stupid to figure out the thoughts bouncing around inside their own skulls.

Don't get me wrong: There are lots of incredibly smart people in America. You're probably one of them, in fact. But the smarter you are, the more you realize how we're all knee-deep in the swamp of the "not quite all there" crowd. You know, the people who are one can short of a six-pack... not firing on all cylinders... a few fries short of a Happy Meal... all foam and no beer... an intellect rivaled only by garden tools. You get the picture.

You'll be rolling on the floor with these stunningly retarded quotes from real people. Here's a sampling of what I've heard in just the past week alone:

"If the Pentagon really had a secret space weapon, we would know about it."

Yeah, because the term "secret" means you tell everybody about it. This comment was heard in response to my recent "Rod of God" Pentagon space weapon coverage. Apparently some people stupidly think the Pentagon announces all their secret weapons to the public.

"Voter ID laws are bad because they discriminate against people who aren't citizens."

Uhhh.... that's the point, dumb-ass. People who aren't citizens shouldn't get a vote.

"If there was really anything to worry about, the news would have told us about it."

Obviously. Because the media exists primarily to tell you about only the most important stuff that's really happening, not to feed you false information, corporate propaganda and government disinformation...

"I don't mind paying higher prices for medications in the U.S. than in any other country around the world, because this is how drug companies fund the research that makes our health care system the best in the world."

This comment is retarded on too many levels to even ponder... it came from a person who was -- you guessed it! -- heavily medicated.

"The stock market isn't overvalued. It's under-capitalized."

The only thing wrong with the stock market, it seems, is that the Federal Reserve hasn't doubled down on printing even more money to prop up the bubble just a little bit more. Did this quote come from Paul Krugman at the New York Times? Sounds like his brand of economic 'tard logic.

"I don't know why everybody's so freaking out about eating organic. I never eat organic, and I'm just fine!"

Yeah, and once you get cancer, you can join your other clueless friends at the chemo treatment center, where you suffer just enough brain damage to keep on eating more pesticides and herbicides for life. It's kind of a self-reinforcing "idiot loop" straight out of Idiocracy.

"Planned Parenthood isn't chopping up fetuses and selling them for profit... they're donating them to science!"

Somehow, invoking the word "science" makes it all okay that we're murdering living human babies and parting them out to biotech corporations that use the brains, livers, kidneys and other organs for so-called "research." Wow. And if all these miraculous scientific cures suddenly appear, does anyone honestly believe the biotech industry is just going to give them away for free? 'TARDED!

"All you people who store extra food are totally paranoid. I only keep a one-day supply of fresh items in my refrigerator, and that's worked just fine for eight years."

No worries, mate! If the food runs out, you can just eat your TV and defecate the evening news.

"All this nonsense about Hillary Clinton's email server is just a made-up controversy to try to destroy her reputation."

Right. It didn't really happen at all. There is no email server. Nothing was "marked" classified. The laws don't apply to Hillary Clinton because she means well. Even more importantly, always remember that the pro-Clinton mainstream media always tells the absolute truth when reporting on Clinton. Why wouldn't they?

"The national debt doesn't really matter because we only owe it to ourselves."

In the same sense, someone stealing your wallet doesn't really matter either, because we all own all the money together anyway... right?

Bonus 'tard quotes

Here are a few more real gems, gleaned from across the 'net:

"If Donald Trump builds a wall, then how are we supposed to vacation in Mexico?"

Uhhhh... here's the secret. You walk up to the wall, real close like, and the rest of us will toss you over it, okay? Bring your friends!

Oh, and I saw this from some numbskull who was quoting Obama, I think, who said something along the lines of, "Government is the word we use to describe all the things we decide to do together."

Actually, as I thought about it, a more accurate variation came to mind. See if you like it: "Government" is the term we use to describe all the BAD IDEAS we mutually decide to pay for with debt money our children will probably never be able to repay in the future.