Big Pharma is a Bigger Hoax than Bigfoot (satire)

Sunday, August 17, 2008 by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...) Tags: bigfoot, medical myths, health news

(NaturalNews) As the internet is abuzz with talk about the latest Bigfoot hoax, little attention is being paid to another grand hoax in modern society: Big Pharma and the empty promises of prescription drugs. In the Bigfoot hoax, two hunters (Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer) claim they found a carcass of Bigfoot in the woods of Georgia, while in the Big Pharma hoax, drug companies claim to have found chemical treatments for diseases they totally made up! Bigfoot is to serious zoology as Ritalin is to real medicine.

But there's more in common between Bigfoot and Big Pharma than you might suspect. Here's a list of six more things these two hoaxes share...

What Big Pharma and Bigfoot have in common:

• They're both based on fabricated evidence. Both Bigfoot and Big Pharma rely on utterly fictitious evidence offered up by unscrupulous people with an ulterior motive. In the case of Bigfoot, the motive is publicity. With Big Pharma, the motive is profits.

• They both involve corpses. The Bigfoot discovered in Georgia was a corpse. Not coincidentally, so are most people who take dangerous prescription medications. That's because pharmaceuticals kill more people than they help, and the more medications you take, the greater your risk of death. (Bigfoot, in fact, might have actually been killed by an overdose of Viagra, which is why his feet are so big!)

• They both involve damaged DNA. DNA from the Bigfoot corpse was so damaged that it actually resembled possum DNA (go figure...). Pharmaceuticals, meanwhile, damage human DNA, leading to cancer, infertility and accelerated aging. That's why people who start taking a lot of meds suddenly seem to age more quickly and die sooner.

• They both involve a media frenzy. In the case of Bigfoot, the media frenzy involves skeptical journalists who don't believe a word that's said. In the case of Big Pharma and stories about pharmaceuticals, the media frenzy involves journalists who have zero skepticism and believe every word they read in a drug company press release.

• Both Bigfoot and Big Pharma are lost in the woods. Bigfoot was really lost, apparently, since he was last spotted in Washington state. Big Pharma is lost in the woods, too, desperately searching for chemical "cures" to big diseases that can only be cured by avoiding chemicals and turning to medicines from Mother Nature (nutrition, herbs, superfoods, sunlight, etc.).

• The Bigfoot hoax and Big Pharma are both run by crazy people. In the case of Bigfoot, the crazy people are blue-collar crazy. Y'know, Deliverance and all that. With Big Pharma, the crazy people are white-collar crazy: fat-cat CEOs being paid millions to market products that kill millions more. Bigfoot people are crazy and poor; Big Pharma people are crazy and rich. I don't know which is scarier...

Brokeback Bigfoot?

Personally, I think the whole Bigfoot hoax was made up by two guys as a cover story for their wives, because what was really going on in the woods would be more accurately called Brokeback Bigfoot. The story got out of hand, of course, but they had to stick with it or risk coming out of the closet in a Southern U.S. state, which is more frightening than trying to buy condoms in a Catholic-leaning Latin American country. Pretty soon, the story required evidence, so they rigged a gorilla costume with possum parts and announced a press conference.

Big Pharma's story is actually quite similar. A bunch of crooked white guys wanted to make money selling something at 500,000% markups, but all the other really lucrative ideas were already taken (porn, smack, crack, ice and military contracts). So they invented a disease then fabricated scientific-sounding studies showing their patented chemical could "treat" the fictitious disease. It all sounded so silly at first, but the media bought into the story and they've stuck with it ever since.

One difference between the two hoaxes, by the way, is that the Bigfoot hoax will burn out in a few days. The Big Pharma hoax, sadly, will likely endure for at least another generation, filling countless cemeteries with the bodies of pharmaceutical victims who probably would have been a lot better off eating herbs from -- guess where? -- the woods!