NetFlix DVD broken? Don't go to pieces... (satire)
 Friday, May 11, 2007by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...) Tags: NetFlix, health news, Natural News |
Most Viewed Articles
Today
Week
Month
Year
- New Zealand cardiologists concede the simple truth: Spike protein generated by mRNA COVID vaccines is a CARDIOTOXIN
- Natural News announces list of most important objectives RFK, Jr. must consider as head of HHS
- Trump releases “single most important video on the internet today” about how to rid world of deep state tyranny
- When you restart an Android phone, all truth media, alternative news, and UFC website icons get DELETED
- RFK Jr. says Bill Gates, Fauci will both be arrested under Trump
- The USS Abraham Lincoln was just attacked in the Middle East, and Yemen’s Houthis are claiming credit
- Dutch health minister admits that COVID-19 was a "military operation" involving NATO
- Insane liberal women are teaching one another how to poison men who voted for Trump
- Center for Countering Digital Hate facing collapse after its "black operations" against Americans are exposed
- Never forget: The CDC planned quarantine camps nationwide, sought to separate families and control community buildings
- White House legalizes all gain-of-function research to build more BIOWEAPONS
- Spain cancels $6.48M arms deal with Israeli defense company amid ongoing IDF violence inflicted upon Gazans
- The top 4 healing properties of avocados
- Biden urges Ukraine to hit North Korean troops that its military encounters on the battlefield
- The history of the House of Rothschild
- The forgotten holocaust: 20 million Christians SLAUGHTERED by Bolsheviks of former Soviet Union, many of whom were JEWS
- Trump vows no more foreign wars - Kamala, he says, will “gamble with the lives of millions”
- South Africa files 750 pages of evidence against Israel in ICJ genocide case
- RFK Jr. says Bill Gates, Fauci will both be arrested under Trump
- New Zealand cardiologists concede the simple truth: Spike protein generated by mRNA COVID vaccines is a CARDIOTOXIN
- Opposition to vaccines constitutes “antisemitism and the targeting of Jewish biomedical sciences at its core,” claims Jerusalem Post
- White House legalizes all gain-of-function research to build more BIOWEAPONS
- Chinese drone maker DJI sues Defense Department over inclusion in ChiCom military company list
- The history of the House of Rothschild
- The ugly, horrifying history of Israel’s military, the “most moral army in the world”
- Israel claims there are secret tunnels filled with gold under Lebanese hospital - but it’s all a hoax to justify bombing civilian infrastructure
- Pharmaceutical narratives surrounding the "flu" are based on fraud and are primarily designed to sell worthless vaccines
- The forgotten holocaust: 20 million Christians SLAUGHTERED by Bolsheviks of former Soviet Union, many of whom were JEWS
- Fresh science finds that plants absorb 31% more CO2 than previously believed - so carbon ISN’T a bad thing after all
- Newly elected Canadian Liberal premier vows to expand abortion access in her province as soon she is sworn into office
- Major election forecasters predict a decisive victory for Trump
- Israel’s settler movement makes “real estate” plans while Gaza burns to the ground
- Wi-Fi can be used to influence brainwaves, has potential for hypnotic effects and social engineering
- Pfizer knew about serious adverse events linked to COVID-19 vaccines but pushed the jabs on the world anyway
- Top 12 NEW "SYNDROMES" created by insidious government forces, Big Pharma and their propaganda-purporting media complex
- Kommie Harris' MAIN GOAL: Turn America into one HUGE "sanctuary city" for all the worst CRIMINALS of the world
- ANALYSIS: Trump is going to win BIG, and then the real fireworks begin… America won’t survive as we know it for even ONE YEAR
- The history of the House of Rothschild
- Top 12 NEW "SYNDROMES" created by insidious government forces, Big Pharma and their propaganda-purporting media complex
- The ugly, horrifying history of Israel’s military, the “most moral army in the world”
- Hysterical, power-hungry EPA will require all property owners to have "no detectable level of lead dust in the air" - an impossible feat
- Israel claims there are secret tunnels filled with gold under Lebanese hospital - but it’s all a hoax to justify bombing civilian infrastructure
- JOE ROGAN interviews TRUMP: The likely next POTUS directly addresses NUTRITION and HEALTH
- Trump vows no more foreign wars - Kamala, he says, will “gamble with the lives of millions”
- Opposition to vaccines constitutes “antisemitism and the targeting of Jewish biomedical sciences at its core,” claims Jerusalem Post
- White House legalizes all gain-of-function research to build more BIOWEAPONS
- The forgotten holocaust: 20 million Christians SLAUGHTERED by Bolsheviks of former Soviet Union, many of whom were JEWS
- Pfizer knew about serious adverse events linked to COVID-19 vaccines but pushed the jabs on the world anyway
- Pharmaceutical narratives surrounding the "flu" are based on fraud and are primarily designed to sell worthless vaccines
- Major election forecasters predict a decisive victory for Trump
- Kommie Harris' MAIN GOAL: Turn America into one HUGE "sanctuary city" for all the worst CRIMINALS of the world
- Fresh science finds that plants absorb 31% more CO2 than previously believed - so carbon ISN’T a bad thing after all
- Scientists confirm: GENIUS brain function can be spontaneously unleashed in humans without any apparent cause
- Chinese drone maker DJI sues Defense Department over inclusion in ChiCom military company list
- Red Cross issues warning to stop blood plasma donations from vaccinated people
- Heavily CENSORED Pfizer documents show that COVID began a five-year mass DEPOPULATION agenda that will reach completion by 2025
- DATA: England’s vaccinated population had close to one million deaths in 23 months; unvaccinated population had less than 61,000 deaths over the same period
- Scientists confirm: GENIUS brain function can be spontaneously unleashed in humans without any apparent cause
- Arizona residents drive entire Maricopa County Board of Supervisors out of meeting after serving them for TREASON
- Anonymous airline pilot exposes chemtrail operation in the U.K.
- People who got COVID jabbed now displaying major personality changes stemming from vaccine-induced neurological damage, experts warn
- Today I asked our AI language model “Neo” about which phytonutrients or phytochemicals can block the spike protein related to SARS-CoV-2 … Here is what it answered…
- Fully vaccinated about to see “tsunami” of illness and death, warns virologist
- Study: TikTok trend of hotwiring certain car models linked to surge in car thefts in U.S. cities
- 5G REMOTE KILL VECTOR: Science paper reveals cell phone signals can activate the release of biological PAYLOADS from graphene oxide injected into the body
- Full-scale medical martial law coming to America in 2024
- BREAKING: 2025 NDAA authorizes mandatory military draft of WOMEN across America… as Pentagon pursues global NUCLEAR war with both Russia and China at the same time
- Former Bill Gates vaccine scientist predicts sharp population decline: “up to 30-40% in highly vaccinated countries”
- We are building the infrastructure of human freedom… Brighteon.AI is the next launch that will put life-altering LLM technology into your hands for free
- NASA admits that climate change occurs because of changes in Earth’s solar orbit, and NOT because of SUVs and fossil fuels
- ENGINEERED FAMINE: Oregon starts SHUTTING DOWN small farms “to protect the people”
- UK Parliament uses unproven accusations against Russell Brand as excuse to attack free speech and demand he be DEMONETIZED everywhere
NetFlix is the best service in the world for renting an unlimited number of cracked, scratched and otherwise unplayable DVDs. Through my NetFlix membership, I have been able to rent a shattered version of Oceans Eleven, a scratched-beyond-belief edition of The Bridges of Madison County, and a rare, limited copy of Citizen Kane that looked like it had gone through the San Francisco municipal recycling station (and still managed to make it out in the basic shape of a DVD disc).
The NetFlix website offers an amazing catalog of pre-scratched, cracked, broken and otherwise marred DVDs, along with an impressive recommendation system that says things like, "People who liked the cracked Oceans Eleven movie also enjoyed the crushed DVD of Fantastic Four."
Why is NetFlix such a great deal? Because renting damaged DVDs is far less expensive than buying and destroying your own DVDs. And if you buy your own DVDs from Best Buy, for example, then accidentally find them in your kitchen garbage disposal after griding up the turkey bone leftovers of a Thanksgiving dinner, you can't take it back for a refund. But you can with NetFlix! Just mail the movie back in any physical form whatsoever -- cracked, pitted, shattered, crushed, chewed, mutilated or mangled -- and the NetFlix company will happily forward your DVD to the next customer waiting for it.
And if, by chance, you receive a DVD from NetFlix that isn't already damaged, simply ask your mail carrier to FOLD all your mail, no matter how difficult that may seem, so that it fits into your tiny, overstuffed mailbox full of useless coupons for toxic laundry detergents and cancer-causing body care products. Folded DVDs, by the way, do not play very well. Unless, of course, it's a DVD of Ben Affleck's failed movie Gigli, in which case the playable and damaged versions of the DVD look exactly the same on screen.
Seriously, this is all just a humorous exaggeration. NetFlix is a great service, and most of the DVDs they send out aren't really damaged. Not at first, at least. But then U.S. Postal Service employees get their hands on the DVDs and from there, nobody has any idea what really happens behind that USPS counter. I personally suspect the mail people go postal on the DVDs and use them as drink coasters and frisbees for a day and a half, then they deliver the ones they don't want to keep for themselves.
I wouldn't be surprised if Netflix's opinion of the U.S. Postal Service has been shattered (along with a couple million DVDs).
The NetFlix website offers an amazing catalog of pre-scratched, cracked, broken and otherwise marred DVDs, along with an impressive recommendation system that says things like, "People who liked the cracked Oceans Eleven movie also enjoyed the crushed DVD of Fantastic Four."
Why is NetFlix such a great deal? Because renting damaged DVDs is far less expensive than buying and destroying your own DVDs. And if you buy your own DVDs from Best Buy, for example, then accidentally find them in your kitchen garbage disposal after griding up the turkey bone leftovers of a Thanksgiving dinner, you can't take it back for a refund. But you can with NetFlix! Just mail the movie back in any physical form whatsoever -- cracked, pitted, shattered, crushed, chewed, mutilated or mangled -- and the NetFlix company will happily forward your DVD to the next customer waiting for it.
And if, by chance, you receive a DVD from NetFlix that isn't already damaged, simply ask your mail carrier to FOLD all your mail, no matter how difficult that may seem, so that it fits into your tiny, overstuffed mailbox full of useless coupons for toxic laundry detergents and cancer-causing body care products. Folded DVDs, by the way, do not play very well. Unless, of course, it's a DVD of Ben Affleck's failed movie Gigli, in which case the playable and damaged versions of the DVD look exactly the same on screen.
Seriously, this is all just a humorous exaggeration. NetFlix is a great service, and most of the DVDs they send out aren't really damaged. Not at first, at least. But then U.S. Postal Service employees get their hands on the DVDs and from there, nobody has any idea what really happens behind that USPS counter. I personally suspect the mail people go postal on the DVDs and use them as drink coasters and frisbees for a day and a half, then they deliver the ones they don't want to keep for themselves.
I wouldn't be surprised if Netflix's opinion of the U.S. Postal Service has been shattered (along with a couple million DVDs).
){kind=link}
Follow real-time breaking news headlines on
NetFlix at FETCH.news
NetFlix at FETCH.news
Receive Our Free Email Newsletter
Get independent news alerts on natural cures, food lab tests, cannabis medicine, science, robotics, drones, privacy and more.
About the author:Mike Adams (aka the "Health Ranger") is a best selling author (#1 best selling science book on Amazon.com) and a globally recognized scientific researcher in clean foods. He serves as the founding editor of NaturalNews.com and the lab science director of an internationally accredited (ISO 17025) analytical laboratory known as CWC Labs. There, he was awarded a Certificate of Excellence for achieving extremely high accuracy in the analysis of toxic elements in unknown water samples using ICP-MS instrumentation. Adams is also highly proficient in running liquid chromatography, ion chromatography and mass spectrometry time-of-flight analytical instrumentation.
Adams is a person of color whose ancestors include Africans and Native American Indians. He's also of Native American heritage, which he credits as inspiring his "Health Ranger" passion for protecting life and nature against the destruction caused by chemicals, heavy metals and other forms of pollution.
Adams is the founder and publisher of the open source science journal Natural Science Journal, the author of numerous peer-reviewed science papers published by the journal, and the author of the world's first book that published ICP-MS heavy metals analysis results for foods, dietary supplements, pet food, spices and fast food. The book is entitled Food Forensics and is published by BenBella Books.
In his laboratory research, Adams has made numerous food safety breakthroughs such as revealing rice protein products imported from Asia to be contaminated with toxic heavy metals like lead, cadmium and tungsten. Adams was the first food science researcher to document high levels of tungsten in superfoods. He also discovered over 11 ppm lead in imported mangosteen powder, and led an industry-wide voluntary agreement to limit heavy metals in rice protein products.
In addition to his lab work, Adams is also the (non-paid) executive director of the non-profit Consumer Wellness Center (CWC), an organization that redirects 100% of its donations receipts to grant programs that teach children and women how to grow their own food or vastly improve their nutrition. Through the non-profit CWC, Adams also launched Nutrition Rescue, a program that donates essential vitamins to people in need. Click here to see some of the CWC success stories.
With a background in science and software technology, Adams is the original founder of the email newsletter technology company known as Arial Software. Using his technical experience combined with his love for natural health, Adams developed and deployed the content management system currently driving NaturalNews.com. He also engineered the high-level statistical algorithms that power SCIENCE.naturalnews.com, a massive research resource featuring over 10 million scientific studies.
Adams is well known for his incredibly popular consumer activism video blowing the lid on fake blueberries used throughout the food supply. He has also exposed "strange fibers" found in Chicken McNuggets, fake academic credentials of so-called health "gurus," dangerous "detox" products imported as battery acid and sold for oral consumption, fake acai berry scams, the California raw milk raids, the vaccine research fraud revealed by industry whistleblowers and many other topics.
Adams has also helped defend the rights of home gardeners and protect the medical freedom rights of parents. Adams is widely recognized to have made a remarkable global impact on issues like GMOs, vaccines, nutrition therapies, human consciousness.
In addition to his activism, Adams is an accomplished musician who has released over a dozen popular songs covering a variety of activism topics.
Click here to read a more detailed bio on Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, at HealthRanger.com.
Take Action: Support Natural News by linking to this article from your website
Permalink to this article:
Embed article link: (copy HTML code below):
Reprinting this article:
Non-commercial use OK, cite NaturalNews.com with clickable link.
Follow Natural News on Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, and Pinterest
Natural News Wire (Sponsored Content)
Science.News
Science News & Studies
Science News & Studies
Medicine.News
Medicine News and Information
Medicine News and Information
Food.News
Food News & Studies
Food News & Studies
Health.News
Health News & Studies
Health News & Studies
Herbs.News
Herbs News & Information
Herbs News & Information
Pollution.News
Pollution News & Studies
Pollution News & Studies
Cancer.News
Cancer News & Studies
Cancer News & Studies
Climate.News
Climate News & Studies
Climate News & Studies
Survival.News
Survival News & Information
Survival News & Information
Gear.News
Gear News & Information
Gear News & Information
Glitch.News
News covering technology, stocks, hackers, and more
News covering technology, stocks, hackers, and more
100% Real, Uncensored Health News
Find out everything you need to know about clean and healthy living when you sign up for our free email newsletter. Receive health tips, natural remedies, exclusive in-depth reports on superfoods, toxins, and more – what the mainstream media doesn't want you to know!
"Big Tech and mainstream media are constantly trying to silence the independent voices that dare to bring you the truth about toxic food ingredients, dangerous medications and the failed, fraudulent science of the profit-driven medical establishment.
Email is one of the best ways to make sure you stay informed, without the censorship of the tech giants (Google, Apple, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc.). Stay informed and you'll even likely learn information that may help save your own life."
–The Health Ranger, Mike Adams