Originally published October 17 2014
Four signs that you are letting yourself be controlled by other people
by Mike Bundrant
(NaturalNews) Who wants to be subtly controlled by other people and larger systems?
It seems that lots of people do. Yet, few come right out and admit it. In fact, if you have a desire to be controlled, chances are nearly 100% that you are hiding this desire from yourself. It's buried deep!
How do you uncover it, then?
Look at your behavior. Trace the behavior's origin and connect the dots. This is something that most mental health professionals cannot do with you, unfortunately. But you'll learn to do it right here in this post.
If you show one or more of the following signs, then you may very well be harboring a secret desire to let someone else call the shots
Follow the logic behind each point and see if it applies to you.
1. You don't speak up
You're with someone or in a group. Ideas are flying all around. Just not your ideas. Of course, you have things to add. You have thoughts, talents and observations. You could even dispute some of the conclusions that are developing right in front of your eyes.
But no. You clam up, resisting the opportunity to participate. Look closely at your resistance. Beneath it you may find:
Fear. What will happen if they reject me?
Self-criticism. The voice in your head that says, "Your ideas are stupid."
Resignation. Who cares, there's nothing to be done, anyway.
All of these thoughts and feelings lead you into the safety of keeping a lid on yourself. Safety: A warm blanket of pleasure that keeps you insulated. Safety is a form of emotional pleasure. It is this pleasure that you seek by withholding yourself. You want freedom from the perceived risk.
2. You can't say no
People want things from you. They need favors. They expect things and aren't afraid to hold you accountable.
You tend to sign on for whatever people want, even when you simply cannot do it all. Saying "yes" to everything leads you into a miserable trap. You constantly have more to do than you can get done -- and people are not very understanding.
Let's look at this misery trap. Inside it you might find:
Resentment. How can people take advantage of me like this?
Fear. If I say no, people will hate me.
Guilt. If I say no, I am not a good person.
Resentment, fear and guilt are powerful emotions. Dealing with any of them would require leveling with people and putting yourself in a position of vulnerability. They might not like you. They might think that you are selfish. They might break ties with you.
Rather than take this risk, you opt for the oh-so-familiar role of taking on the burden yourself. This familiar role is where you find your safety from conflict.
We're back to safety -- which, again, is a warm blanket of insulation.
3. You tell yourself that it doesn't matter
You could open up and let people know who you are. You could express your opinions and make things happen. You could take a stand in life -- your stand.
But, instead, you roll your eyes, sigh and tell yourself that it doesn't matter. Nothing will change. Nothing works out in the end anyway.
What's behind that sigh? You got it. The safety of retreat and relief.
4. You make yourself helpless
You have dreams. You can set goals and make plans to make the world a better place. Yet, as with all goals and plans, the going eventually gets tough. When obstacles arise, you cave in, pack up and go home.
Making yourself helpless by seeing common obstacles as insurmountable is a common way to embrace helplessness. What's behind the helplessness?
The desire to be taken care of. The safety of avoiding potential failure. Who doesn't want to feel safe and be taken care of?
Finding safety in withholding yourself and retreating from opportunities is so compelling that some of us do it our entire lives. We simply aren't willing to take the social and emotional risks to make things different.
The problem is, there is a trade off. You buy the pleasure of safety with your sacrificed intelligence and lack of participation, as well as your forgotten desires and dreams. It's a self-destructive purchase.
How to proceed if you are doing anything close to the above
Own it.
This is always the first step. You cannot gain conscious choice about anything that lies squarely outside of your conscious awareness. Be honest with yourself. You can even say to yourself, "I prefer the pleasure of emotional safety over the risk and rewards of taking a stand in life."
Ok. There you are. What next?
Educate yourself about how your psyche has been turning these self-destructive acts into acts that lead to the pleasure of perceived emotional safety. This is self-sabotage. It's created by negative psychological attachments that were put in place a long time ago. Not many people are discussing the roots of self-sabotage these days, but you need to educate yourself anyway.
Watch this enlightening free video about how self-sabotage works at the deepest level. Then, you can begin to work your way out of it.
If you find yourself persisting in painful things and quitting things that give you joy, then you should read this article.
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About the author:
Watch the free video The AHA! Process: An End to Self-Sabotage and discover the lost keys to personal transformation and emotional well-being that have been suppressed by mainstream mental health for decades.
The information in this video has been called the missing link in mental health and personal development. In a world full of shallow, quick-fix techniques, second rate psychology and pharmaceutical takeovers, real solutions have become nearly impossible to find. Click here to watch the presentation that will turn your world upside down.
Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center and host of Mental Health Exposed, a Natural News Radio program.
Follow Mike on Facebook for daily personal development tips.
Watch the free video The AHA! Process: An End to Self-Sabotage and discover the lost keys to personal transformation and emotional well-being that have been suppressed by mainstream mental health for decades.
The information in this video has been called the missing link in mental health and personal development. In a world full of shallow, quick-fix techniques, second rate psychology and pharmaceutical takeovers, real solutions have become nearly impossible to find. Click here to watch the presentation that will turn your world upside down.
Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center and host of Mental Health Exposed, a Natural News Radio program.
Follow Mike on Facebook for daily personal development tips.
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