Originally published May 2 2014
The surprising obstacle in the way of your assertiveness, confidence and personal power
by Mike Bundrant
(NaturalNews) What would happen in your life if you were more assertive at the right times?
For people who lack the confidence or sense of personal power to be assertive, miracles would happen.
You'd be able to stand up for what you believe is right, regardless of what others might think. You would speak up and get what you need from others and know who you can count on. You'd be able to say no when you need to and stay focused on what's important. You'd pursue your own meaningful goals and accomplish what you never believed you could.
Confidence and personal power would be yours at last.
Becoming a more influential, assertive person doe require self-confidence. And there is one surprising obstacle that gets in the way of that confidence. It's elusive because you've been hiding it from yourself, tricking yourself into thinking it isn't true. And there is both good news and bad news that comes with this hindrance.
The bad news: It is a deeply entrenched obstacle, so it won't magically go away on it's own (sorry). There is no voodoo or personal growth hocus-pocus that can take it away with little or no effort on your part. You have to do something very different within yourself and this requires a totally new level of awareness.
The good news: If you can accept this obstacle and see it as an obstacle rather than 'reality,' you can get past it in a relatively short period of time. Then, the confidence to assert yourself appropriately will be yours.
Here it is: The surprising obstacle that steals your personal power:
Even as you consider asserting yourself, you've already decided to be rejected.
Amazing when you really think about it, isn't it? In your mind, there is no point in asserting yourself because you already 'know' the end result. And you probably feel the rejection before you attempt to take action!
When you need to speak up, you think: What's the use? People don't want to hear what I have to say. They'll just think I'm stupid.
When you need to say no, you think: If I say no, they'll be really upset and probably hate me.
When you need to reach out for help, you think: Nobody cares about me anyway. What's the point?
When you need to confront someone, you think: It will just be a huge argument that I will end up losing, so there's no use.
When you set a new goal, you think: Who am I to accomplish all that? I don't deserve it. Besides, people will know I'm a fake.
Rejection. Rejection. Rejection at every turn. So, you clam up, avoid confrontation, withhold your talents and continue to live a life that is much smaller than you are capable. It's depressing, I know. I did it for decades.
Is it time for a change?
What would happen if you did something completely different? What would you do if you really felt that when you assert yourself, you actually have a solid chance of success? What if you believed that people would genuinely respect you more and that you could handle that respect?
Again, miracles.
Rejecting yourself ahead of time really is a problem that must be solved if you are to practice mature assertiveness.
Here's how to begin
First, realize that the rejection is a false projection. Specific people may have rejected you in the past - even important people like your parents. The truth is, when you assert yourself, you do not know how people are going to respond. Some may respond positively. Some people may have a negative reaction. That part is up to them.
Next, understand that if you are actively imagining rejection with consistency and subconscious commitment, then a part of you is seeking out rejection. That's right. Seeking rejection. You see it where it does not exist. You anticipate it. And this is the real problem.
Why are you unwittingly seeking rejection?
Because rejection is familiar. The subconscious mind takes great comfort in familiarity. It clings to what it has learned. At some point in life - probably early on - you experienced a lot of rejection consistently from a few people, whether or not you recognized it as such. Your subconscious mind embraced rejection as a familiar reality.
It continues to seek out this rejection reality by projecting rejection wherever you go. In fact, if you are typical, you may run the rejection script dozens of times a day and feel low with each rehearsal. At the iNLP Center, we call this a rejection attachment. And who can be assertive under these circumstances?
As with all psychological attachments, your subconscious mind needs to be reframed before you can let go of a rejection attachment. You need an entirely new paradigm! Then, a state of acceptance can become the norm.
You are the one to reeducate your subconscious mind. It can be an emotional process because there is often buried hurt and pain (and emotional exhaustion) from years of life spent feeling like others are judging you.
Yet, when you realize that you're dealing with an old, outdated script that your mind is running on autopilot - and it has nothing to do with the present day you - then you can begin to make slow and steady progress. Soon enough, you'll be putting yourself out there like never before, and letting others choose how to respond.
Some will accept. Some may reject. Others will not even pay attention. The ones who accept your ideas, needs and passions present an unprecedented opportunity to grow your life in amazing directions!
To learn how psychological attachments (including the rejection attachment) create self-sabotage and what to do about them, watch this enlightening free video.
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About the author:
Watch the free video The AHA! Process: An End to Self-Sabotage and discover the lost keys to personal transformation and emotional well-being that have been suppressed by mainstream mental health for decades.
The information in this video has been called the missing link in mental health and personal development. In a world full of shallow, quick-fix techniques, second rate psychology and pharmaceutical takeovers, real solutions have become nearly impossible to find. Click here to watch the presentation that will turn your world upside down.
Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center and host of Mental Health Exposed, a Natural News Radio program.
Follow Mike on Facebook for daily personal development tips.
Watch the free video The AHA! Process: An End to Self-Sabotage and discover the lost keys to personal transformation and emotional well-being that have been suppressed by mainstream mental health for decades.
The information in this video has been called the missing link in mental health and personal development. In a world full of shallow, quick-fix techniques, second rate psychology and pharmaceutical takeovers, real solutions have become nearly impossible to find. Click here to watch the presentation that will turn your world upside down.
Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center and host of Mental Health Exposed, a Natural News Radio program.
Follow Mike on Facebook for daily personal development tips.
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