Originally published March 10 2014
Top 6 arguments made by 'impossible' relationship partners (and what to do about them)
by Mike Bundrant
(NaturalNews) Are you in a relationship with someone who puts up impossible arguments?
Impossible arguments turn sincere questions or friendly confrontations into depressing, unwinnable battles.
Of course, you don't want to just give up on the relationship. So, you keep trying. And the more you try, the more impossible the arguments become.
Before long, hopelessness, helplessness, frustration and even rage set in. You struggle with these feelings and do your best to put on a happy face, pretending that everything is fine. Of course, this creates unspeakable anxiety because you know everything is anything but fine.
Chances are, you'd give anything to know how to overcome such arguments.
Here are seven impossible arguments that some spouses and partners resort to often:
1. You don't even know me. You don't know what I've been through, so you have no right to judge me. (In others words, your opinion is irrelevant).
2. I messed up, yeah, but it's not really my fault. I never had good role models, so how I am supposed to just know what to do? (In other words, your expectations are the problem).
3. When you screw things up, you are intentionally doing something that you know is wrong. Then, you consciously blame someone else to avoid the responsibility. So, there's no excuse for you. (In other words, I let myself off the hook, but will never let you off. Deal with it.)
4. You don't honor my good intentions. All you do is criticize. It isn't fair because I need people who support me, not pull me down. (In other words, if you were a better person, I might consider changing. You have to be PERFECT before I will make any effort. And that's never going to happen.)
5. Oh yeah, and you NEVER appreciate my good deeds. Like that day I picked up my dirty laundry off the bedroom floor, for example. You'd been bugging me about it for weeks! You have NO IDEA how I hate to be nagged about stupid stuff like laundry. Who cares? I have IMPORTANT things to do in life.
Anyway, so I finally looked past all the nagging and DID IT. I picked up the frickin' dirty underwear and stuff. And you didn't even celebrate my success. Why should I bother to do things for someone who takes me for granted?
(In other words, you should go nuts with joy whenever I make the slightest effort to the very basics that are my responsibility to begin with.)
6. When you finally pin me down and prove that you are right and I am wrong, I collapse into a black hole of despair, or go nuts and threaten to destroy things and hurt people. If were really in the wrong, none of this crazy shit would happen. I mean, its extreme. And I obviously have no control over it, so you must be violating some sacred law of the Universe or something.
(Few people would actually say this, but its an accurate representation of how some people act.)
Is any of this familiar? What to do...
If you endure these types of arguments from your partner, you know it is impossible to reason with them. In fact, continuing to beat your head against this psychological brick wall is nothing other than self-sabotage. You know what you are going to get before you even begin, right?
You cannot get yourself to believe that another person can be so irrational. They simply MUST change. How can they not? Who can be so maddeningly impossible?
People can be this impossible. In fact, it's common. The better question is, why do you set yourself up for failure by engaging in this way? If you know what is going to happen when you confront this person, why do you join in the pattern over and over again?
It's complicated. You may be financially dependent upon this person. Or you may even fear them physically. Yet, the question remains. What keeps you so attached to the cycles of psychological misery in your relationship?
My suggestion is that you are suffering from self-sabotage. Self-sabotage will set you up to fail again and again, and leave you in the dark about it all. The solution is to educate yourself about how self-sabotage works.
Learn what self-sabotage is and how it operates in the subconscious mind so that you have new options. Then, you won't be compelled to hang onto a pattern that makes you miserable.
In other words, if what you are doing is not working, then you've got to consider other options. The best option is to look within yourself - deeply - and find the part of you that is clinging to the poor treatment you are receiving. This part of you is holding onto - and even seeking - to be controlled, rejected and deprived.
When you reconcile with this hidden part of your psyche, you can keep yourself from walking into pain over and over.
When you are no longer willing to set yourself up to be mistreated and disrespected, then your impossible partner will have a completely different experience with you. The dance will change. With this change comes some risk, as you well know.
Is it worth the risk? In my opinion, yes. But only you can answer that question for yourself.
To learn how self-sabotage works, watch this free video.
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About the author:
Watch the free video The AHA! Process: An End to Self-Sabotage and discover the lost keys to personal transformation and emotional well-being that have been suppressed by mainstream mental health for decades.
The information in this video has been called the missing link in mental health and personal development. In a world full of shallow, quick-fix techniques, second rate psychology and pharmaceutical takeovers, real solutions have become nearly impossible to find. Click here to watch the presentation that will turn your world upside down.
Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center and host of Mental Health Exposed, a Natural News Radio program.
Follow Mike on Facebook for daily personal development tips.
Watch the free video The AHA! Process: An End to Self-Sabotage and discover the lost keys to personal transformation and emotional well-being that have been suppressed by mainstream mental health for decades.
The information in this video has been called the missing link in mental health and personal development. In a world full of shallow, quick-fix techniques, second rate psychology and pharmaceutical takeovers, real solutions have become nearly impossible to find. Click here to watch the presentation that will turn your world upside down.
Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center and host of Mental Health Exposed, a Natural News Radio program.
Follow Mike on Facebook for daily personal development tips.
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