Solving the Pro Bowl Dilemma (Satire)

Tuesday, June 05, 2012 by: Hesh Goldstein
Tags: Pro Bowl, football, Hawaii

(NaturalNews) Yay, the Pro Bowl gets to come to Hawaii for another year and the tourist industry is jumping for joy.

The executive bonuses stay and the execs do not have to patrol Waikiki "hooking" in the tourists there to frequent the 52 booth International Market Place all selling the same thing.

But there still is one Pro Bowl question that still needs an answer - how do you get more out of the players and yet reduce injuries?

That's a tough one because those two goals are so opposed to one another. Add to that that the players do not want to get hurt and basically see the Pro Bowl as R & R time for a vacation in Hawaii, and you have a major dilemma.

What to do? What to do?

For one thing, the quarterbacks can wear dresses so they can stand out and not get hit.

Then the other players can wear shorts, tank tops and slippers, but that would slow the game down.

Then of course, the Pro Bowl could become the Flag Football Pro Bowl.

Oh, the horror and the sacrilege. Wearing no pads and no one getting tackled takes away from the machoism of the game, which is the heart of the NFL.

After all, what's a football game where no one gets maimed, crippled or knocked unconscious with a life-threatening concussion?

What about the Pro Bowl being a two-hand touch game?

Hell, no one watches the Pro Bowl for the tackling anyway. The game is just a visualization of incredible ball skills by some of the best of the best.

So, if tackling is banned, all the other guys with wear-and-tear issues after a long season of getting banged-up week after week will opt to come to Hawaii, not only for a vacation, but for a friendly, exciting game of touch football.

Then there's the degree of blocking, which would have to insure that no one gets hurt. Golly, it gets more exciting by the minute.

Perhaps to spice up the game and for an extra admission fee, fans could suit-up, or short-up, as well and play with the pros. How exciting would that be?

The bottom line is this: the circus has been coming to town for years and has made lots of people happy.

Besides, since the Pro Bowl is always before the Super Bowl, many of the players could play both and the Hawaii industries could still laugh all the way to the bank.

Aloha!

About the author:
I have been doing a weekly radio show in Honolulu since 1981 called "Health Talk". In 2007 I was "forced" to get a Masters degree in Nutrition because of all the doctors that would call in asking for my credentials. They do not call in anymore. Going to www.healthtalkhawaii.com enables you, among other things, to listen to the shows. I am an activist. In addition to espousing an organic vegan diet for optimum health, I am strongly opposed to GMOs, vaccines, processed foods, MSG, aspartame, fluoridation and everything else that the pimps (Big Pharma, Monsanto and the large food companies) and the hookers (the doctors, the government agencies, the public health officials, and the mainstream media) thrust upon us, the tricks.
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