Oh snap! 72 percent of grocery shopping carts contaminated with fecal matter (satire)

Friday, March 04, 2011 by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...) Tags: shopping carts, fecal matter, health news

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(NaturalNews) (Note: This true but humorous article contains mildly offensive language. Do not continue reading if you are easily offended.) A researcher from the University of Arizona has determined that 72 percent of shopping carts are contaminated with fecal matter. A full 50 percent also contained e.coli. Ready for some shopping fun?

The research was carried out by Professor Charles Gerba who swabbed the handles of 85 shopping carts across four states, reports USA Today (http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/health/2011...). Those swabs were then analyzed to determine how many contained fecal matter.

"What are you doing up so late in the lab?" someone probably asked Charles Gerba. "Looking for some fecal matter!" came the reply. "And all I've found so far is this s#*t!"

Turns out he found what he was looking for… and plenty of it. More was found on the grocery carts than is typically found in a restroom, say researchers. That's probably because restrooms are often cleaned (well, at least we hope they are) while grocery shopping carts are never cleaned. Oh God, seriously? Yep, that's what those antibacterial wipes are for, if you prefer chemicals to the fecal matter. Grocery stores almost never clean their shopping carts, you know. They just leave them out in the rain and hope whatever is on them gets washed off from time to time.

Interestingly, while this study found all kinds of fecal matter on the grocery cart handles, it didn't really look at all the crap inside the shopping carts! The processed cheese food, carbonated sodas with high-fructose corn syrup, the factory-processed sandwich meat with cancer-causing nitrites, and the canned soups with sky-high levels of cheap salt and hormone-mimicking BPA… you get the idea. That's often referred to as "crap food" if you'll pardon our language.

Yep, there's fecal matter on the handles, and crap in the carts! And that doesn't even count the fact that most of the e.coli contamination of vegetables that occurs from time to time is due to the fecal runoff of factory animal operations. You see, e.coli only grows in the guts of animals, and the only way it gets onto vegetables from time to time is because those vegetables come into contact with -- you guessed it -- factory-farmed animal sewage!

You just gotta love conventional agriculture, huh? The stuff they're shoveling, you don't want to be eating, believe me.

So now we have shoppers whose shopping carts are covered with it, buying vegetables that have come into contact with it, and eating processed factory foods that have roughly the same value as it, and the FDA wants us all to believe that they're somehow not full of it when they say "just irradiate all the food!" Because dead food is safe food, right?

I think a better idea might be to just wash your hands after shopping at the grocery store, and then wash all the stuff you buy there just in case it's contaminated, too.

Better yet, grow some of your own food. You can sprout some fresh seeds right in your own kitchen, and you don't have to worry about them being contaminated with fecal matter unless you have some very strange pets in your house.